I went to Bikram yoga tonight. Bikram's the hot yoga. This was my third time. I am very bad at yoga. Very VERY bad. Funny bad, like Saving Sarah Marshall bad. Standing on one foot is hard, and some lady is barking at me to do the swan pose. "No, Scott, your other right!" I don't do well with people barking orders at me, or heat. I'll keep going--it's obviously good for me and my running, and there's some great reward at the end of the yoga rainbow, I'm sure, but tonight while I was falling all over myself, I thought, this must be what Hank Hill looks like when he does yoga. I must be the Hank Hill of yoga! Then I chuckled to myself (totally losing track of whatever the barking yoga master was saying), but then you can't chuckle out loud or you'll break the chi. Whatever---when I got home, I checked, and sure enough, there's an episode of Hank Hill trying to do yoga! Go Hank go! Hank had a bad back, and he was doing yoga on doctor's orders, and in fact my doctor and some other people have been pusing me to go as well. Here are some excerpts, and I'm with Hank here---
YOGI VICTOR: Let me tell you a story. Once I was like you: skeptical, nearsighted, paunchy. Then I met a special friend. This glorious friend took me to places I thought I'd never --
HANK: Excuse me, but is this one of those stories where this special friend of yours turns out to be yoga?
YOGI VICTOR: What time do you evacuate your bowels?
YOGI VICTOR: There's only one right answer: between four and six in the morning.
HANK: Well, this was a great way to spend a lunch hour.
YOGI VICTOR: Lunch is one of the worst things you can do to yourself!
HANK: We've been doing stretches for half an hour. When are we going to get to the yoga?
YOGI VICTOR: Ha, ha, ha! Hank, do you tell the blood to start flowing through your veins or the air to start filling your lungs? You probably do.
HANK: You know, Vince Lombardi won five championships without ever using sarcasm. He just yelled and shoved people.
HANK: Son of a gun, it's working!
YOGI VICTOR: It's not working. It is.
YOGI VICTOR (observing Hank): This is the first time I've ever been disgusted by the human body.
YOGI VICTOR: One can't leave yoga, Hank. One --
HANK: Yeah, yeah, I know, everything is one way, then it's the opposite. Gotta go.